I failed chose not to publish the past couple of days but continued to write wherever/whenever I could, groggy in bed most of the time, addressing the pieces to my ever-patient writing buddy who put up with all my unbridled existential angst. (Erm, that was one of the conditions of the wruddyship, by the way. I suspect that the exchange of the past few days is making her think twice!) I followed my own rules of writing practice and stuck it out with “keeping the pen moving, no editing, just let it rip!” with the Wruddy. For the purposes of this PG-13 blog, I edited out the cussing. :p Below is joy*full proof that Crappy To Happy way is still very much alive and well in these parts! ~ CP
May 10, Friday | 11: 48PM i have this massively swollen itchy-burning throat, my head feels like a lead balloon, my body is jello mixed with cement. the weeklong marathon course has done a number on me. no doubt about that. i’m willfully consciously following writing rule #1: keep the hand moving. it’s not easy. i’m distracted with sol and jack pingponging with phone calls, misplaced mobile phones and instructions to open the door for when he comes home from the bbq at mom and dad’s. the kids and i missed that. drat and double drat, i hate you, cough!
billion dollar question is: did i pass the test*? meh! who cares. right now i don’t care that much. it’s not a big deal for me to pass or fail this. i know i’ll make it in other ways if this doesn’t pan out. i know it’ll be the step to the next step. i’ve always trusted in that. i know i put my best effort in this whole week for the step that was needed for the choice to pursue the next thing. there’s always a next thing. the day there isn’t one simply means i’m a goner.
Thank you, Pok. This is so aptly spoken about YOU.
May 11, Saturday | i am crying. not just misty-eyed like i usually am after reading, watching, experiencing something touching. i am crying tears of gratitude. from feeling relief that the week’s ordeal is over. from feeling blessed for having loving, thoroughly caring people in my life. for feeling feeling kawawa. being sick always makes me so. feeling…what else am i feeling? confused. scared. worried. there are so many moving parts in my life right now. (when has it ever been different ha, chiquita?) but i will choose, choose to focus on the most positive of the moment and that is how grateful i feel for having a wruddy! Charina, you accept and appreciate me, i feel and know you do, no matter what. it’s a blessing a very BIG blessing that you didn’t know the CP brand before we met on IG. that would have colored our writing a lot. but then again, who flipping gives a flip, right? it is me! the CP brand is and will always be part of me. sometimes i talk and think like it’s a purse or package of ramen (now where the heck did that come from?!? hand moving, keep it moving!) that i can store away in the cellar. these are all parts of me and i need to stop putting labels on myself/selves like i can turn them on and off. grateful. very grateful
|I love you, Oonabella!|
May 12, Sunday | Note to the Azimi Family : The big Mother’s Day Celebration has been postponed this year due to the nasty cough and cold virus floating around our house. Thank you very much for the sweet breakfast, Oonabella. (Ms O and the Bunsoy are done with their virus ordeals. Ms O and B brought the nasty bug in!) You are the most affectionate little-big girl in my world! The big boys are down for the count as well. Let’s all sleep this off, shall we? Tomorrow’s another day. Tomorrow we whip out our OHIP cards and get ourselves to a walk in clinic. Praying it will be much better than today. Amen.
May 13, Monday | Nope. My prayer for better has gone unanswered. Ignored completely. Today, not only am I hacking out lungs and vocal chords – I speak like I a geriatric Marilyn Monroe, to the joy and celebration of my husband and kids who are tired of my Alto-soprano yelling – today I have the blasted Pink Eye. Sa ato pa, Sore Eyes! More like sorry eyes, really. I am feeling so sorry for my kawawa self. What is this thing that my body is trying to tell me? Well, if I listen intently I can hear the words Vacation and Spa and go–lie-on-a-beach-somewhere, preferably with white sands and 24 hour room service.
Halleluyah for PD (professional development) days where the public school systems of our district decide the teachers declare a no-school day, read: a break from the kids! If they can, so can I! So, more sleeping folks! Dr. K at the walk-in has ordered me to take 5ml of that ruddy red relief. Ok, guys. You’re on your own. Mommy’s going to bed at 3PM and I’ll see you all in the morning, pink eye allowing. Bah!
|S all tense because Mom’s trying to snap his photo.|
May 14, Tuesday | It’s the first time that I am able to get out of bed without having to hold my lead-balloon head up with both hands. I am no longer hacking this morning. The good doctor with the good medicine did the job! For $30.55 dollors worth of narcotics, it better! My eye has miraculously cleared up, too. Like Dr. K said, it’s related to the cough virus and it’s most likely a 24 hour thing. He was right! Thank you, Dr. K. I am strong enough to invite my son to go for a quick walk, he suggested we bike instead. We decided to go to the park and swing for a bit. We needed the sunshine. By God do we need the sun rays on us. So we brave the cold, it is cold in Toronto again, like single digits cold as if springtime was never here. We had to put on our downy jackets and gloves, GLOVES in the middle of May. The kids and I have a name for it: Crazy Canada Climate or CCC for short.
Thank you so much for keeping me company, dearest reader. And most especially to my dearest Wruddy, for taking me as I am, crap on crap and that’s a wrap!
|Photo by fellow slugger, S. We been doing coughing duets lately. Definitely better today, thank you, Lord.|
Courage, always, COURAGE IN CREATIVITY,
UP-date #1: As of this writing, I just found out that my sweetheart of a highschool amiga, Ms. Jojie Alcantara, who is now a big time freelance journalist and a feature writer for the Manila Bulletin has asked her editor to have me featured in her Picture Perfect column! Sigh. This is like Bright Lights from heaven, a miracle message in a bottle of the highest octane. Moral of the story: Someone’s still lookin’ out for ya, lovelies. No matter how down you feel in mind and body and spirit, just “keep that hand moving” and you’ll see Lights from way Yonder sooner or later! Now on to focusing on that light for now. Updates on that feature to surely follow here!
*UP-date #2: On the Introduction to the Canadian Mortgage Industry course exam: I passed! I passed! As of may 14, the CAAMP educators have sent the official email. I passed the course and am now on my way to becoming a certified mortgage specialist. On to phase 2, actual hand-on experience and shadowing the best of the best at the office! Hello, Day Job, here I come! So help me, God.
And up…up…and away we go!!!